Appointment advisors who help millions of singles in China in the face of the difficulty of finding a girlfriend and getting married

We see it first hand in the documentary of Violet du Feng, “The Dating Game” (“The game of love quotes”) in which we observe Hao and three of his clients during his stay in a one -week dating camp.

All of them, including Hao, come from poor rural environments and were part of the generation that grew after the 90s in China, when many parents left their young children with other relatives to go to work in cities.

This generation is already adult and is also going to cities to try to find wife and improve their status.

Du Feng, who lives in the United States, wants his film to show what the life of younger generations in his native country is.

“At a time when the gender gap is very extreme, especially in China. We look for how we can close that space and create a dialogue,” he tells the BBC.

Hao's three customers, 24 years old, WU, 27, and Zhou, 36 – fight against the consequences of the Chinese policy of the only child.

Established by the Government in 1980, when the population approached 1,000 million, this measure was introduced before the fear that an excess population would affect the economic growth of the country.

The traditional preference for boys caused the abandonment of a large number of girls who were taken to orphanages, which there are selective abortions by sex or even cases of female infanticide.

The result is the huge current gender imbalance.

China is so concerned about the chopped drop in birth and aging of its population that ended politics in 2016 and regularly organizes events for its citizens to find a partner.

Wu, Li and Zhou want Hao to help them at least find a girlfriend.

They could aspire to be like him, because he already married. His wife, Wen, is also coach of quotes.

Men let Hao make image changes and hair cuts, while sharing with them their questionable “technical” to attract women, both on the Internet and in person.

But although everyone strives to the fullest, not everything goes as planned.

Hao builds an image on the Internet for each of them, but alters some things when describing them, and Zhou thinks he feels “false.”

“I feel guilty deceiving others,” he says, obviously uncomfortable when he is portrayed as someone with whom he has no comparison in reality.

Du Feng believes that this is a broader problem.

“It is a unique story of China, but it is also a universal story of how, in this digital panorama, we are all dealing with the price of being false and the price we have to pay for being authentic and honest,” he says.

Hao can be one of China's “most popular dating coaches”, but we see his wife question some of his methods.

Without flinching, he sends his protected to meet women, sprinkling them deodorant in the armpits and saying: “It's time for the show!”

Men have to approach their possible appointments in a busy shopping center in Chongqing, one of the largest cities in the world.

It is almost painful to see them invite women to connect through the Wechat messaging application.

But he teaches them to explore his confidence that, until now, he has remained hidden.

Dr. Zheng Mu, of the Department of Sociology of the National University of Singapore, explains to the BBC how the pressure to marry can affect single men.

“In China, it is still expected, in regards to marriage, that man has the financial and social capacity to be the main support of the family,” he says.

“As a result, the difficulty of being considered suitable for marrying can be a social stigma, an indicator that they are not capable or deserving of the role, which generates great mental pressure and stress.”

Zhou laments how much the appointments cost him, including paying the casamers, dinner and new clothes.

“Only US $ 600 per month,” he says and adds that an appointment costs about US $ 300.

“In the end, our destiny is determined by society,” he adds. So he thinks he needs something: “strengthen my status.”

Du Feng explains that “this is a generation in which many of these surplus men are considered failed due to their economic situation.”

“They are considered to be at the base of society, the working class, and therefore, in some way, marrying is another indicator that they can be successful.”

A way in which men in China “break with social classes” is to enlist in the army, and in the film we see a great recruitment campaign.

Something that the documentary does not explore is the life of homosexual men in China.

Du Feng agrees that Chinese society is less tolerant with gay men.

Dr. Mu adds: “In China, to a large extent, heteronormativity prevails.”

“Therefore, men are expected to marry women to comply with the rules, to support the nuclear family and return more numerous families by becoming parents.”

Technology also appears in the documentary, which explores the growing popularity of virtual bride and groom, and points out that more than 10 million women in China play dating games on the Internet.

We can even see a virtual boyfriend in action: it is comprehensive, not very demanding and undeniably attractive.

A woman says that real appointments cost “time, money, emotional energy; it is very exhausting.”

And he adds that “virtual men are different: they have an exceptional temperament, they are simply perfect.”

Dr. Mu considers this trend as “indicative of social problems” in China, and cites as causes “the long working days, greedy work culture and the competitive environment, together with the entrenched expectations of gender roles.”

“Virtual boyfriends, who can behave better in line with the idealized expectations of women, can be a way of fulfilling their romantic fantasies.”

According to Du Feng, “what has been mentioned universally is that women with virtual boyfriends felt that men in China were not emotionally stable.”

His film investigates the personal stories of men, including their relationships, often fractured, with their parents and families.

“These men come from this situation, and there is so much negative pressure on them; how can you expect them to be emotionally stable?”

Reuters reported last year that “the long -term single -term single lifestyles are gradually generalized in China.”

“I am worried how we interact today, especially the youngest generation,” says Du Feng.

“The appointments are just a resource to talk about this, but I am very worried.”

“My film is about how we live in this Soledad epidemic, in which we all try to connect with others.”

So at the end of the documentary, with many fun moments, we see that it has been a kind of realistic self -discovery trip for all the men who participated, including Hao.

“I think it's about the warmth they feel when they meet (in the same situation), knowing that it is a collective crisis that everyone faces, and how they still find hope,” says Du Feng.

“For them, it's more about finding themselves and finding someone who pats them on their backs and tells them: 'I see you and there is a way you can achieve it.'”

Hao concludes: “Once you like yourself, it is easier to like girls.”

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